I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
