my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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