don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
