never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
