I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
