Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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