I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize