Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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