apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
