So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
