No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
