I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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