Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
