I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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