I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
