Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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