She's JV to your varsity
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dear god my vagina.
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