You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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