No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
