I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
