the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well, you know. whores of a feather.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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