How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
