You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
