On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize