video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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