it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
