I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
