this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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