does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
high people should be assigned attendants
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
