So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
