And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
