this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
