i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize