Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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