Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
