Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
