so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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