I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
