Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize