1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
