I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
