The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
