dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
