If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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