Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
