there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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