oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
