it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize