I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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