Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
