So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
