I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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