Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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