Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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