I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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