I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize