Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
