You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize