i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
this hospital has no fireball
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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