I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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