Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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