she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
