fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
