my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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