Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
