My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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