Who wears a wallet chain?!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
