he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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