My nipple is on Facebook.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize