Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
