Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
