I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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