There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
