OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
sex in a hospital.. check
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
