my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i out mim tonsoeep
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